Difficult Conversations – “Honey” by Grenville Phillips II

Honey is the most influential force known to man. Governments and businesses who want to learn a competitor’s trade secrets, need only send a honey trap. Men at the height of their professional careers, and who cherished their families, have lost it all for honey. Let us try to understand why.

When an attractive woman smiles at a man, he becomes vulnerable. If she talks to him, his kung-fu is useless. If she touches him, it is over. He might as well put a bridle over his head, and place the reins in her hands.


While we can accomplish much alone, we have the potential to accomplish much more together. The closer and longer the union, the more we can get done. Marriage is the closest long-term union we know.

Grenville Phillips II is a Chartered Structural Engineer, and the Solutions Barbados' candidate for <b>St George North</b>. He can be reached at <i>NextParty246@gmail.com</i>

Grenville Phillips II is a Chartered Structural Engineer, and a former candidate for St George North. He can be reached at NextParty246@gmail.com

A married man is like an exceptionally strong horse. A wife can ride her husband anywhere she wishes. There is no load too heavy, no place too far, and no barrier too high that he will not attempt to overcome with her in the saddle – which is its own fulfilling reward. Therefore, a wife wields considerable power.

Despite her own accomplishments, a wife can use her power for good or evil. She can, like the accomplished Ruth Graham, direct her husband where they storm the gates of hell. Or like the accomplished Jezebel, direct her husband where they storm the gates of heaven.


Once married, some wives are deceived into thinking that there is something more powerful than honey. So, they drop the reins, climb out of the saddle, pick up the complaining whip of criticism, and beat the horse.

While honey is the most powerful motivational force known to man, complaining is the least. Such an abused man is not directed to accomplish anything. He simply lives day to day, looking forward mainly to his next meal, and sleep.


A husband can only be ridden by one woman at a time. A wise wife will ride her husband for a lifetime, to accomplish things that will benefit her household and community. That includes directing him to become a more competent, kinder, wiser, and healthier person.

An unwise wife drops the reins. This exposes her husband to be directed by someone or something else. Another woman, who knows her power, may pick up the discarded reins, and ride that married man to provide her with: land, a house, a car, and money. Tragically, the married woman, who discounted her power, can only persist with the useless whip, since another has the reins.


If another woman will not pick up the discarded reins, then the man may be directed by harmful addictions. Such addictions include: drugs, alcohol, pornography, prostitutes, violence, gambling, and laziness. The less active the husband, the more harmful addictions he may attract.

An addicted man will spiral away from the centre, to the destruction of his health, business, and family. A wise wife will reject the whip, pick up the reins, get back in the saddle, and direct the traumatised beast back to the safety of the centre. Again, tragically, many wives just keep using the useless whip until the bitter end.


Both husbands and wives learn new things together by trying, failing, and trying again. Trying and failing are important and necessary stages of the growth improvement process. Complaining, blaming, and criticizing each other during the inevitable failing stage, tends to delay the next trying stage, which only delays their joint progress.

Wives should not get discouraged if their husbands must try more than once to overcome a hurdle. Instead, they should be encouraged that he keeps trying. Husbands should not get discouraged if their wives direct them down a dead-end. Instead, they should see it as part of the exciting journey, laugh it off, and look forward to where she next directs.

Women planning to get married, should plan to ride their husbands to the path of doing what is right, for their family and community. Men planning to get married, should spend their courtship trying to understand her intended path – before she gets into the saddle.

Grenville Phillips II has done pre-marriage counselling for the past 25 years. So far, none of those couples have gone through a separation or divorce. He can be reached at: NextParty246@gmail.com


1. In the US, approximately 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages. Therefore, divorced persons may not be learning the lessons that they should have learnt in their first marriage – selflessness (putting the needs of the other before themselves).

2. Domestic violence is a failure of the community to stop the practise. A man who beats his wife should be properly sorted out by the men of the community, so that all men know what to expect if they dare introduce that despicable behaviour in their community. Those communities that permit it allow it to become a cultural norm.

3. A husband without a rider to provide direction is well-advised to quickly offer his discarded reins to God.

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