“Is Your Relationship where It Should Be?” by Sandy Daley: RELATIONSHIPS essay
Zoe Lister Jones once wisely wrote, “Women always try to see the one good part of the weird guy because the dating landscape is so bleak. Women will say, “He’s very odd but he likes to cook. He’s creepy, but he makes good pancakes.” Jones hit the nail right on the head with this quote, as many of us continue to “settle” in our relationships. Are you settling? Is your love life not where it should be, but you are too scared to voice your opinion? Do you have a voice in your relationship?
Unfortunately, many of us today continue to accept the minimal amount of love, sometimes even abuse or mistreatment, given to us by others. No longer are we ready, able and wiling to “fall head over heels in love with” others, as we build walls around ourselves and our hearts, trying desperately to remain in control of our love lives.
One particular friend of mine confided to me that she knows that her husband is cheating, and has no intention of divorcing him. “I always tell Donovan (obviously not his real name), to use protection if and when he decides to be unfaithful to me,” she says. I am always shocked and horrified of her nonchalant attitude towards her husband’s infidelities, but of course, remain completely silent upon hearing this. As we all know, “man and woman business” is never something to get involved in, as if they do reconcile or work things out; you, the supportive girlfriend, will be made to look like a troublemaker.
So therefore, I only listen and nod my head at times, leaving the entire decision making process up to her. But, is this really all that she has to say to him? How about telling him that she will not accept his cheating ways, and if he continues to do so, she will file for a divorce? Or is this just wishful thinking on my part?
My friend, misguided and confused as she may be, will not be the only woman rushing into the stores for chocolates, cooking that special dinner, or purchasing that sexy lingerie; with full knowledge that they are not being loved the way how they should be. You will see them in the stores, hitting you over the head for the last box of chocolates, fighting for that red lingerie at Victoria Secret, or choosing the perfect wine; forever living a lie.
A true heartfelt conversation between you and your partner, husband or lover, is a necessity at this time, as both partners deserve proper treatment within a relationship. At the end of the day you should both consider yourselves lucky that you have found a perfect match, as it is so difficult to do so these days. You should both be over the moon in love with each other: not just settling.
It is not as difficult as we believe, as you will know within your heart if you are settling or not: you however have to be willing to accept the answer once you truly search within your heart.