“Relationships” with Sandy Daley: Love Me like Jesus or kindly leave me alone!
Years ago, my friends and I went on an amazing cruise to the Caribbean, and as I zip-lined through the jungles of Belize, walked the trails of the Mayan ruins in Cozumel and rode the rocky roads without speed limits in Honduras ,it dawned on me how vibrant, sexy and fierce I truly was. Certainly not in a narcissistic or an “I am all that and a bag of chips,” kind of way, but in a realistic and down to earth manner. I was a single, over 30 years old, fabulous black woman, and I felt proud of my accomplishments as a single working mother. I deserve nothing but the best from life in general, including my personal and intimate relationships. With that being said, I also acknowledged that love was certainly something that was needed in my life. Lao Tzu wrote, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” I am inclined to agree with the previous quote, although I would definitely remind myself and others to always compromise, but never settle when it comes to love.
With each visit to a different island while on the cruise, my spirits soared, especially on the second to last day of my trip while visiting Cozumel. What was there to worry about if the one that I loved did not feel the same way about me? So what if he did not really, really see me? A beautiful native man in Cozumel certainly saw my inner beauty, as he immediately asked me for my hand in marriage within five minutes of us being introduced. Maybe the fact that I was purchasing a few of his items from his stall that he had, while I was shopping in the market had a lot to do with it, but as always, I choose to see the positive versus the negative in each situation. The glass is always half full!
The irony of the entire situation was that although my new friend Jesus might secretly only be interested in obtaining a Visa or landed immigrant status by asking for my hand in marriage, it certainly opened up my eyes to the possibilities of me finding a mate. We are trained as young women to believe that the men who make us cry by cheating on us, taking our monies or our belongings, are the ones to hang on to. We allow our mother’s words when we were little girls, the ones that stated that the little boy who pushed us in the sand because he “really and truly liked us and just did not know how to tell us,” dictate our relationships as grown women. “Boys don’t know how to tell you that they like you,” a girlfriend of mine said to me once. I on the other hand, believe that at some point in our adult lives, we have to acknowledge and make an attempt to change that backward way of thinking.
Love should not hurt, and abuse, whether it is verbal or physical, or even neglect, should never be something that we expect or accept from our partners.
Jesus, with his broken down shack and mangled fingers, demonstrated that there was someone out there that would worship the very ground that I walked on- not literally of course. When we accept what is in front of you without challenging your options, then automatically your outcome will be a typical one. Ladies, do not sell yourself short by accepting any half-assed behaviour that you might be receiving from your partners. You are more than welcome to borrow my phrase, which is, “If you are not coming to me like Jesus, don’t come at all!” Of course, do not let Jesus hear this, as he may also desire Visas and or landed immigrant statutes for himself and all his other family members from our perfect union!