Sovereignty from a former Sovereign: Should John Bull get to the bottom of Barbados Laws for a Price? If so, why?


This Editorial is direct in vocabulary where needed, if you blush easily or your skin prunes at the merest change of temperature? Stop NOW… I am fully aware how nasty and vicious Bajans can get once particular bones are brought to light for fresh air – Political Intrigue, Race, Religion and Sexual Habits/Practises. With the advent of the Internet, blogs & discussion fora – these same Bajans eagerly reveal their piranha-esque mentality well doused in Cowardice via threats, snipes and more recently? Anonymous Death Threats!

So I am about to touch on topics which brush many of the femurs in those unspoken vestibules which Bajans know are there but refuse to say… I am sure for my daring to do so, I will hear bout? My weight, which Party I support and/or my sexual preference as if those who utter this crap know me better than myself. So much for Barbados being a Christian society (then again the so-called Christian leaders also show amazing immaturity, more further in)? Just one thing, if any do it under their own name I’d be one of the most surprised Humans in this Advent of Unreason which is the Dark Side of Bajan Cyberspace.

We’ll have a gay old time! FLINTSTONES THEME SONG

The song lyrics were from a far more innocent, naïve or unspoken time, as homosexuality has been around humans once we knew what an orgasm was but we didn’t (or did we) care how we got it. In those days, “gay” meant carefree when this landmark cartoon (it was on Network TV way before the Simpsons and had the first pregnant cartoon character – Wilma with Fred‘s daughter Pebbles) jumped out of TV in 1959.

Will Pastor Lucille baird call for cartoons to be banned now? There goes Sesame St's Bert & Ernie & Spongebob Squarepants with Patrick Starfish

Interestingly enough, under fierce debate at the moment is if Neanderthals were gay? The male was not buried in such a manner as a means of disrespect but a simple statement of fact… Fred’s town of Bedrock really did have a Gay ol’ time? How does this relate in this editorial? Keep reading, please!

Flash fwd to Barbados not so long ago, Al Gilkes recently wrote about the Queen Bee Show which was held at the Globe Cinema, where attendees or contestants could include those like the (in)famous transvestite “Paula” whose (white Bajan) father when learning their child (who dared to revel in their Lifestyle openly) was brutally savaged by homophobic sailors, only reacted with – “IS HE DEAD YET?” 😮

I specifically refer to Paula as Bajans knew s/he was always here or there yet Barbadians let him/her exist without harangue (Except for those foreign seafarers, were they angry at confronting secret desires?). Bajans tolerance of alternative lifestyles is almost legendary, the result is that many Bahamians, St Lucians, Haitians and Jamaicans blurt stupid accusations we must be a nation of such creatures (So how do we have children in successive generations?)…

Historically, there are many examples – I am sure many will recall a biologically female Corrections Officer who would moonlight at auctions as a Mover. When her crew could not lift a Wardrobe or Stove then, BY HERSELF with only a weight-belt strapped on, she’d heft the monstrous object into the truck as if it were a feather! She made many a man seem like rejects at Masculinity, drank like a Viking and did more wenching than I ever have even in my wildest imaginings! Yet no one dared say”LESBIAN” for fear of a blow more harsh than any from Muhammad Ali or Joe Louis in their Prime!

My point is this, so long as Paula or “that marshal” (you decide which was him/her) lived their way without rubbing it in the majority of Barbadians’ faces then so be it – despite the fact Barbados actually has laws against Sodomy and Homosexuality as a criminal offence… We know the theory and live the reality once we are not forced to emulate.

{APOCRYPHAL} "Every 3rd Salesman or Jehovah's Witness meets my hungry Rottweiler - Number 2 just left 15 minutes ago..."

In fact, I sooner have a problem with Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock early every Saturday morning (My wife begs me not to say I was in the middle of a Satanic Ritual to scare them off, she is worried about my Image, hah!) or those folk of Indeterminate Sect of Christianity who have more pamphlets than there leaves on trees and woe betide should you refuse! Either you are sneered at as if already in Brimstone or cried over as you refuse to adapt/adopt their Lifestyle immediately!

How Christian is that? That’s as bad when Pastor Lucille Baird prayed for God to rebuke British Prime Minister David Cameron recently for his suggestion for countries which still have outdated LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Trans-sexual) laws, to revise them so as to qualify for better financing from England.


{APOCRYPHAL} "Who is at the door now? Either way could be awful - Lucille Baird or a Jehovah's Witness..."

USA is known as the Eagle, while Russia is seen as a Bear – Barbados (and Louisiana) are known as pelicans… There are many “straights” who feel LGBT’s have less rights than animals. However, God’s creatures left to themselves are quite adventurous – both cockroaches and rabbits are known for promiscuity; Male cats usually rape their prey (regardless of Port of Entry) – it’s usually wolves & eagles known for their singular monogamy even after the death of a partner.

It’s pigeons and whip-tail lizards who are poster boys/girls for LGBT, even DOGS experiment… I recall seeing in Hastings a bitch in heat with 3 suitors and when the Alpha got his way, the 2 surplus mails got locked, as in one of them could not sit or poop comfortably for a few days as the other male was HUGE!

England itself, back to Nationalities/Animals/References is known for episodes of Boarding School experimentation while Barbados got the slang for Male Homosexuality from its dominance by the UK… “BULLING” was was referring to how bovines mounted, yet Britain itself was called John Bull. Some feel there is MORE than a connection!

These fields and hills are WHOSE??”

So when David Cameron recently took the Commonwealth by surprise with a stipulation to receive UK funding only by amending LGBT laws, there was an outcry as if the Caribbean was collectively jooked up the butt! Barbados, via Attorney General Adriel Brathwaite, was one of the very first to remind all & sundry of our Sovereignty and therefore such limitations or qualifications are inappropriate. All the talk of sovereignty reminded me of Barbados, Jamaica and Bill Clinton bickering over the Shiprider Agreement for Illegal Narco-Trafficking in 1997.

{APOCRYPHAL} "No need to get to the bottom of the matter, the UK used to be our Sovereign and now WE are our Sovereign - we have sufficient money and... What do you mean 'Standard & Poor's'??"

Despite Jamaica and Barbados holding out, the USA still got its accords from other territories, and has accomplished further amendments. Let’s be brutally honest, Barbados is already an LGBT tolerant society. Barbados is also in deep financial dire straits. Debt consolidation is a way out of a Credit Slump. If Barbados ratifies relevant LGBT legislature which reflects an already tolerant society so as to secure much needed funding from Britain, then what is the real fuss? The initial knee-jerk response is what about the Bible?

I will let the $2 Philosopher answer that one (He leaves no stone unturned language-wise, if you are faint-hearted? You may want to skip here…);-

It is god’s law (Leviticus 20:13 to be precise) that most sexuality Nazis are referencing when they say that homosexuals must not be given the right to conduct their sexual lives in peace… it’s in the bible (which we all know is an infallible document) and to go against the bible (which is perfect) is akin to blasphemy (which according to the bible is punishable by death) so that is end of the discussion… Except that it’s really not! Leviticus 20:13 actually states that homosexuals should be put to death (read it for yourselves I won’t be quoting scriptures as I am not worthy) and if the bible (which is above question) says so then it must be so! I can feel some of the sexuality nazis out there smiling proudly at the fact that they have a new convert… but hang on I actually read Leviticus and I discovered in excess of one hundred and twenty laws in there (funny how that never comes up), I further discovered that in addition to Leviticus there are four other books of law in the (written for all cultures and all times) bible: Genesis, Exodus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. I also discovered that the bible (which must not be added to or subtracted from… as it is perfect and complete) has more than six hundred laws and this is not including the ten commandments nor edicts of Jesus, which must also be considered as they are in the bible (and the bible is… well you get it by now).

As a child I was always told by my parents (who the bible says you must honour at all times… or be put to death) that you must never half do things so if we are following biblical law let’s FOLLOW biblical law and according to biblical law homosexuals are only one group in a long list of people who need to be put to death! The death list is also not confined to Leviticus and some of the death list is contextually implicit (may those who have eyes… see who to kill). So in order to help you properly follow the law I have compiled a “biblical hit list“, as it were, so that you can know who you are duty bound to kill… be advised though that the list is not complete as I have omited some of the interpretive “hits“. The onus is on you to read the bible and get the full hit list for your damned self but at least you can read this list and get to killing!

  • Leviticus 20:9 says to kill anyone who curses their parent. (I guess we’re killing most teenagers)
  • Leviticus 20:10 says to kill anyone who cheats on their spouse (and the person they cheat with)
  • Leviticus 20:11 says to kill a man who sleeps with his fathers wife (and the fathers wife)
  • Leviticus 20:14 says if a man sleeps with his wife and her mother all three must be killed (or more specifically burned to death)
  • Leviticus 20:15-16 says anyone sleeping with an animal must be killed (including the animal)
  • Leviticus 20:27 says Psychics, wizards and anyone dealing with astrology should be stoned to death (so all of you horoscope reading fuckers…sorry!)
  • Leviticus 21:9 says that a priests daughter who is a whore should be burned to death (how specific is that?)
  • Leviticus 24:14-16 says that anyone cursing or blaspheming god should be stoned to death by their community (this could be a family outing)
  • Deuteronomy 13:5 says to kill anyone who has an anti god dream or makes an anti god prophesy as well as anyone who tries to turn you from god. (oops)
  • Deuteronomy 13:6-10 says to kill anyone, including family, who dares to suggest that you worship another god.
  • Deuteronomy 13:12-15 says if you discover a city that worships another god… kill everybody… including the animals (murder tourism, this could be big)
  • Deuteronomy 17:2-7 says to kill anyone with a different religion (So Rastas should kill Methodists should kill Catholics should kill Jews should kill Moslems should kill, etc. Atheists – you don’t believe in the bible, but you should probably just kill all religious people so they can’t kill you first)

{Nala - $2 Tee Shirt} "When David Cameron declared that the UK would be withholding aid from nations that did not reform their anti-gay legislation I completely missed the point! The sexuality of others has never been an issue for me, because, truth be told, I don't find human beings interesting enough to care what consenting adults do in private or even (within reason) in public, for that matter, and I am too aware of Cameron's previous strongly anti-gay position to believe this declaration is anything more than some sort of political power play."

Back to Bajan Reporter now, it is better for Barbados to change laws where needed so we can place the Bajan Economy in an upwards revision by S&P with legislating what we already practise? Another thing, we are so busy contemplating our anuses and clitorises that we miss the bathwater while staring at the baby…


Gabberts, don't tear off my shirt - but you may have to do a new version of "Jack" hear?

Do not say we do not need the money… Remember Standard & Poor’s, what about our beaches & Real Estate? Is not singing our Anthem a Travesty? 4 Seasons is doing nothing, yet the property is THEIRS; Beachlands by where Chefette Holetown used to be is also stalled yet is that land truly Bajan?

Calypsonian Mighty Gabby once claimed of Barbados beaches “...dah beach is mine, I could bade anytime…” but if we are in such a Tailspin, then how far off is a Private Beach in reality? Sad to say, I really can foresee in 25 to 50 years (less?) when Barbados will have Beaches where you need a Pass to traverse!

PRIDE & INDUSTRY may be Barbados’ motto, but also recall that some say ‘Pride goeth before a Fall!‘ Barbados may well have to grit its collective teeth, adjust its laws and let go of maybe two seaside fronts to get us back on an even keel… Pride is great to look back at accomplishments, but we have to be alive to do so – and to live? We have to EAT, to EAT we need to have MONEY, now we have resources to access these funds – How bad do you want it?

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