A New Year and a New You. Dating is as old as molasses; however, there are new ideas and perceptions when it comes to dating in this hi-tech day and age. Many are single or are recently getting out relationships and marriages. If you are just joining the dating scene as a woman, there are some important things to consider before you go on that first date.

1. Love Yourself First
If you are depressed or have low self-esteem, you need to deal with that immediately before you even think about entering the dating scene. Do not think that dating someone and searching for love is going to cure your low self-esteem or depression. It will not. In fact, getting involved with someone while you’re low on self-love may very well make you feel worse.

Don’t be so desperate to jump into a relationship, because when we are low on self-love, we sometimes have too many expectations of another, and we rely on someone else, like a man to make us feel loved. Men can sometimes notice these types of women. They are usually the ones who will go all out of their way to please a man’s every need, and will sleep with a man too quickly.

These men may very well take advantage of you, or say things that sound wonderful, but actually, they don’t really mean a word of it. It boils down to a man’s actions that will bring his true colors out. Always love yourself first. That is Rule #1. Loving yourself first is a beautiful quality that any real man will appreciate.

2. Don’t Carry Baggage Over Into Your Next Relationship
After a heartbreak, your emotions and thinking are a bit off balance, and you may not be thinking straight. Likewise, if you immediately try to enter into another relationship, you may have construed thoughts on how you want or think the relationship will follow out, thinking that immediately having another man in your life will fix your pain.

If you expect too much in the rebound relationship, it could end so quickly that you find yourself hurt again. Surround yourself with positive mental activity, and positive people after a heart break. Leave the emotional baggage behind, because it is too heavy, and your next partner will not want to help you carry it.

Letting hurt feelings go leaves splendid space for love’s ways to enter into your life. No need to get even with your ex, because you’ll be helping the other person hurt you even more.

3. Know Your Worth As A Woman
What is your worth as a woman? Think long and hard about that question. Some women say one thing, but inside they are hurting, or not being truthful about who they really are or what they believe about themselves. The media has power in today’s society. Knowing this should not be new to you. If you are caught up, you may start to doubt yourself. Your thinking may even waiver.

It really does not matter if you have long hair, short hair, dark skin or light skin. What does matter is that you have the type of beauty that seeps from the soul and spews from your heart, mind, and actions. There is uniqueness about YOU. You are God’s gift. He wanted to make you, and He took time with you. When you start to understand and believe the depth of your worth, then no one can fool you into thinking what your worth is as a woman.

4. Don’t Sacrifice Your Soul
Sacrificing your soul for a man means to surrender your identity, or to destruct your self-worth for the sake of trying to please him. In other words, loving yourself isn’t very important to you, and you show it through how you allow men to treat you.

Women love hard and deep, and it is a superb quality that is so endearing to the world. There is no other type of love out there like a woman’s love, except God’s love.

Your ability to love and be loved means everything. Some women will sacrifice their soul for a man, because they only act on their ability to love others and disregard their ability to love themselves first. When that happens, their needs usually aren’t met the way they want them to be, so they do their best in serving the needs of their man, thinking that will fulfill their own voids and needs.

5. Be Positive and Always Look Your Best, Not Anyone Else’s Best, But Your Best
Not even all the plastic surgery and money in the world could make the inside of your package beautiful, only your own mind and God have that kind of power. Every single living person on this earth has a mind and access to God.

When you make your inside package beautiful, your outside package automatically becomes beautiful. It works in that order only, not the reverse.

What one man thinks is beautiful in one woman, another man is seeing and examining a different kind of beauty within another woman—to every man his liking.

Somewhere along the line, some women created a negative belief about themselves, and that thought stuck and took up residence in their heads. Accepting yourself or not accepting evolves in the mind. Live life as though you can do anything. You can do anything! Don’t allow your mind to question whether you think it’s true or not. If you believe it, that’s all that matters.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Tinisha Nicole Johnson is an author, writer, and poet. “5 Secrets for Dating in the New Year” is based off her non-fiction, self-help book Lessons Learned: Loving Yourself as a Black Woman. This book is AVAILABLE NOW! Tinisha also hosts political and sports teleconferences as a profession. Learn more and connect with the author at her website: www.tinishanicolejohnson.com

*FREE Event and Open to the Public*

Date:
Monday, February 22, 2010

Time:
7-9pm ET

Join local and regional African-American authors for an evening of conversation and tea. Authors include Joey Pinkney, Nelson Peebles, Kelly Starling -Lyons, S.D. Denny, Trevy McDonald and Tinisha Nicole Johnson. A special children’s hour will take place between 4-5 p.m. Seating is limited.

For information call (919) 460-4963 to RSVP call the Cary Public Library (919) 460-3350.

LOCATION:

Page-Walker Arts & History Center

119 Ambassador LoopCary, NC 27512